Whether you’re a regular here or landed on this page after looking for something fun to read, you clearly like Italy 鈥� I mean, you wouldn’t have googled something on the lines of “funny Italian things” or “Italian habits” otherwise, right?!聽Be aware that having a soft spot for Italy can be dangerous because you may find yourself turning into one of us in the long run: if you already have Italian blood running in your veins and witnessed first hand the joys and pains of growing up in an Italian family, then you probably’ re already more than half a way there.
Want to know how far into the process of turning into a fully fledged Italian you’re? Check lifeinitaly‘s own ten signs you’re, indeed, about to聽become聽one of us and see how many聽boxes you can tick off already.
In no聽specific order….
聽1.You’re adamant that any liquid聽filling more than聽a “tazzina da caff茅” is not coffee
“Americanos, frappuccinos, brewed coffee? Nonsense!聽I’m a firm, firm believer that there’s no coffee other than espresso, the shorter the better. Of course, you can make exceptions for cappuccino and marocchino, but then, those are breakfast drinks and barely count as real coffees anyway.
Lattes don’t exist: what the heck’s聽a latte? Latte’s milk, and milk’s milk, not coffee. Macchiato’s ok, but let’s get things straight here: only a drop of textured milk, not a gallon of foam. And *of course* there’s a difference between macchiato caldo and macchiato freddo. D’uh.”
If you found yourself pontificating in a similar manner to friends or聽family, congratulations: you can tick your first box.
2. You no longer accept squared loaves聽as real bread
Your regular squared loaf (which personally I find pretty nice when it’s homemade,聽but I lived outside of Italy for 15 years, so I聽don’t聽really count) is no longer real bread in your eyes. You can only accept “pagnotte,” “sfilatini,” 聽“ciabatte” and “rosette.” No, square bread’s only good for ham and cheese toasts and to put mayo and tuna on for a quick aperitivo. No, no, no… not real bread at all.
3. Speaking of which: let me teach you about aperitivi…
The ritual of aperitivo‘听s聽been getting popular a bit all over the world, but you… you know there’s聽much more to it聽than prosecco and Aperol spritz, universally known symbols of aperitivi made in Italy. You now ask for Martini Bianco (sweet or dry) on ice with a slice of lemon and you can explain to any bartender how to make a perfect 狈别驳谤辞苍颈.听You聽adviced your non-drinking friends in more than one occasion to try 厂补苍产颈迟迟别谤听or 颁谤辞诲颈苍辞,听so much better than a fruit juice when聽poured on ice, in a large-bottomed glass.
And the food. The food! You no longer find chips and peanuts an acceptable option: think of聽insalata di riso, frittatine, pizzette, salatini and marinated olives… And if they bring bitesize samples of main dishes, even better. It’s all about quality and variety, when it comes to aperi-food. And you know it.
4. You no longer accept the idea of wearing sportswear outside the house or a gym
Sportswear, from sweatpants聽and聽white sneakers to聽brand-emblazoned hoodies and tank tops, is no longer an acceptable alternative to real clothing, unless you’re at the gym or the privacy of your own home, that is.聽You came to the conclusion that yes, what’s made for sport and exercise should be worn while doing sport and exercise or, if you wish, to relax at home, as there’s no聽denying the stuff’s super comfortable.
Horror of聽Horrors! though, if you see someone wearing tracksuits in the streets. It doesn’t matter how expensive they’re, you just… don’t do that. Sportswear outside the gym or the house cheapens you and makes you look like *insert non-politically correct blasphemy of your choice*. As you would never see a well behaved and educated person hanging around in Milan or Naples in gym gear 鈥撀爑nless they’re at the gym 鈥撀爕ou long ago decided it was聽time to put an end to this most elusive and horrifying crime against style… (yes, but… sweatpants are so comfy!!! I’m Italian and I say it: they’re so comfy! Although.. yeah, I wouldn’t wear them outside the house).
5.聽You find yourself choosing small local stores rather than the supermarket for your shopping
Fruit and veg must come from the greengrocer’s, meat from the butcher’s and bread from the baker’s. Of course, you could get it all聽at the supermarket, but do you *really* know where it comes from?!聽聽Plus now you’re on friendly terms with the girl at the cheesemonger’s and she knows how you like to use stracchino for your homemade pizza, so she always keeps you a pat. Baker’s bread keeps for longer and makes better sandwiches and the meat at the butcher 鈥撀犅爓hom聽you chose very, very carefully, making sure they source their meet locally because, hey! You don’t want to eat stuff that has been dead longer than your great grandma Sandra Jean 鈥� is organic. Also, the butcher knows exactly what you need for each occasion and how to cook it: seriously how can you beat that?
You, Sir or Madame, have become the equivalent of a typical Italian shopper. And also a bit of a food snob, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
6. You have to own expensive perfume or die
Yeah… knockoffs are a no-no. In Italy, if you wear cheap perfumes or imitations of expensive scents, you’re considered cheap and classless. Nothing against natural scents, organic stuff and all-natural cologne: these are all acceptable and can be nice. But when we need to take out the big guns, we Italians go down to the perfume store and pay good money and buy designer scents.
You know all this, too: no supermarket bought extra sweet聽and flowery聽(for women) or pine based (for men) concoctions or, even worst, the fake version of a timeless classic. You know the cheap version of an Acqua di Parma scent’s that: a cheap version of an Acqua di Parma scent.聽That’s it. Full stop. You have to buy the real thing. End of story.
7. You no longer accept shortcuts in the kitchen
Those already cut vegetables and ready made bread dough and sauces: nope.
You now make stuff from scratch when you’ve got the time and if you don’t have any, you just eat聽simpler, quicker things. “Authentic and fresh”聽is聽your mantra. You’re very likely the proud owner of聽a fresh pasta maker, have a cupboard full of dried聽herbs and canned tomatoes and have learnt to make your own pizza. Bicarbonate of soda, fresh rosemary, extra virgin olive oil and fresh basil are always in your kitchen. If someone offers you lasagne with store bought bechamel sauce you eat it, but keep on wondering why they just couldn’t make it, as it only takes 2 minutes.
If you’re envited to a dinner party, you start planning what to bring 3 or 4 days before and cook like a storm throughout the 36 hours leading to it. Because cooking now’s聽your thing, ya’ know…
8.聽You became judgemental when people can’t coordinate colors
Italians have art in their genes and they certainly have a great taste when it comes to clothes (even though men today seem to dress a bit too much like teenagers, with all those tight jeans and low v-neck t-shirts. Also: they need to eat some good, old fashioned grandma’s grub, they start looking puny) and decorating.
Throughout the years, you became a fan of Italian style, hopefully bypassing the country’s least wearable options and focusing instead of timeless Italian fashion. If there’s something Italians taught you how to do is matching colors and you have no intention to turn your back on this incredibly fashion-essential quality.
Now that you’ve mastered the skill, you’ve also 鈥揳las!鈥� become a serial criticizer of those who lack your knowledge of nuances’ balance with one another. Nothing rings more real to you than “finely聽color-coordinated means finely hearted.”
9.聽You know the meaning of the following terms or expressions聽and have begun considering using them in your daily conversations.
Apericena: an aperitivo served with copious amounts of aperitivo food (see above).
Abbiocco: “avere l’abbiocco” means feeling lethargic.
贵补苍肠补锄锄颈蝉迟补:听someone who’s not fond of working, or fills people’s heads with lies.
Lavativo: fancazzista in a higher register, but also someone who has no shame.
颁补谤濒辞迟迟补:听a term borrowed from the slang of coming-of-age 1990s classic novel “Jack Frusciante 猫 Uscito dal Gruppo,” 聽“la Carlotta” is an anonymous, often not particularly bright woman or girl, who dresses in mom jeans, bon-ton cardigans and rarely wears make up.
滨苍迟谤颈辫辫补迟辞:听to be “intrippato” means to be obsessed with something.
“Perch茅 no?”:聽the very essence of the Italian way of life, in a good and in a bad way. Rules can be bent because… why not?
10.聽You regularly make a Presepe in your home
The tree’s lovely, but you decided a while back a Presepe also needs a space in your home. Ah! All those lovely figurines! And the possibility to collect them and turn them in a heirloom for your kids! You like venturing into the woods to dig bags and bags of green moss to create the best looking field聽upon which set your nativity scene. You would love to invest in some collection pieces and you certainly have thought of visiting San Gregorio Armeno to get them.
Finding the right shiny blue, starred paper to create a lovely sky-like background is very important and those papier mach茅 mountains have to be realistic, otherwise the scene is ruined. You got so into the whole Presepe thing, that you even leave some presents around it. Finding the right location for it in the house’s also essential: should it be near the tree? Under the tree? On the floor? On a table?… the dilemma presents itself every year, because your Presepe grows Christmas after Christmas and you have more and more figurines to find a place for…
Christmas’s hard work for an Italian!
Here, how many of these ten are you guilty of?
Sure, don’t take all this too seriously, there’s no offence intended in any of it… yet, you know, if your answer is yes to at least half of them, you should consider at least getting an Italian nickname!
